“Yeah, whatever, shut up for a second,” Peter grumbled, giving Richard a tighter squeeze. Nothing too tight, but enough to reassure himself that Richard was still holding it together. It was kind of like hugging a tiger, the way the Nova force practically hummed under Richard’s skin, and if Peter was being honest it was more than a little exhilarating. In such a normal setting, with both Richard and himself in street clothes, it was hard for him to remember that Richard held the entire sum of the Nova force inside his body. The power of over a hundred Centurions and thousands of lower Corpsmen was somehow contained in Richard, and he kept it all in check even though by all rights it should have ripped him apart.
Back in the early days, Rich had mentioned that his suit helped him contain the force. Did Rich even realize he was doing it without his suit now? Worldmind might have done something to help, but even if the force was cut in half no one else would be strong enough to hold it all. Richard was one of the strongest people he knew, if not the strongest. And if he needed help staying together… well. Peter was in love with Richard. It might be inconvenient right now, but he couldn’t help that. He’d do his best to help him. Even if the only thing he could do was chastise him about not sleeping.
Someone cleared their throat behind them and Peter pulled away with a slight flush, arms lingering on Richard’s shoulders to make sure he held his friend’s full attention. “No maybes, you’re taking a nap after you eat, end of discussion.” Dropping his arms, he grabbed some of the bags because they were holding up the line, and turned back to Richard. “And I will wake you up when I feel like you’ve had enough rest.”
Stepping aside so Richard could finish paying, Peter checked to see if they had the right number of sandwiches, trying to stop a full blush from rising to his face. It was just a hug, one friend to another. Just a hug.
He nodded then, not really feeling it in him to argue about it, because really there was nothing to argue about. And they had enough of that a few days ago anyway. Richard picked up the other bags, mostly with the cookies and the drinks, and stepped out of the line.
Almost opening his mouth to speak, Richard realised the inherent flaw in his earlier plan of talking to Pete in the shop, for it was much too public for such a private conversation. He’d just have to do it later, when they were out of shop, or he would delay it again. It was more of an apology to Peter rather than a conversation or discussion if he was honest with himself. Both for what he’d done earlier and for what he’s about to say to the other. Such was the nature of his words.
They moved out of Subway, proceeding to head back to the hospital, but Richard wanted to spend more time out of the place, and with Pete, and to sort out his mess of thoughts. He made a short detour to one of the small parks around the area, half walking, half dragging his feet and kicking at fallen leaves. Relative silence between them just made the Nova more aware of Peter. His own current lack of redamancy, felt — not a betrayal exactly — but more of him wielding a knife against the other’s heart, and Pete trusting him not to slice into it, or stab at it through and through. Sighing aloud, Richard sat on one of the benches at the entrance of the park and pressed a hand into his face. He was going to hate himself for this. “I’m sorry for yelling at you… before. I understand why you didn’t want to talk about the prince thing. I… shouldn’t have reacted so badly.”
“You don’t need to explain everything to me. Least of all…” Taking a deep breath, he glanced at his… friend. “Look Pete… I… I don’t know how to say this okay… It’s not that I don’t want to try being in a relationship with you, but with everything that’s going on…” His father, and the whole deal of having to rebuild the Corps, taking care of his family…
He turned away from the other, and stared at something far off, eyes not really focusing on anything. His vision blurred from the lack of focal point, or was that from the moist liquid forming? This was harder than he thought… “And have you seen me? None of my relationships work out. I…I don’t want to screw this up.”
“I mean it’s just days ago that my last relationship ended, at least for me… And I don’t want you to become some kind of rebound because you deserve more than that and I — I need time. I hope you understand.” Dropping his hands to his sides, he said this in slow easy breaths, wanting to get it all out before Pete had a chance to interrupt him. Richard felt that he needed to tell Peter everything before the other stopped him, before he… he himself backed out, whether from his own cowardliness or something Pete was going to say.
He turned to Peter, needing him to realise, to understand, that above all else, that no matter what happened, past or future, whether he ended up loving Peter that way, loving him more than he already did, that Peter is the most important thing to him, aside his family. “But no matter what you’re still my best friend. You’re more than just that…” What a great thing to say Richard, giving him false hope…
“Just — and I hate to say this, because I’ve made you wait long enough, hurt you enough, but in time maybe, I don’t know?” Thrusting his hand into his hair, and messing it up more than it already was. He was pretty sure he was going about this the wrong way, he felt like it was more of a confession of his own feelings, and it was, in truth, than telling Peter that he wasn’t ready for… a relationship just yet. Looking at the other, eyes definitely brimming with unshed tears now, the next few words just left his mouth before he could stop them, truth ringing in each syllable, “Hey Pete, I love you as ever.”
“You know that’s not going to change right? Ever.”
