Wild Hearts || Richard (rchardriders) & Peter (shootingstarlord)

shootingstarlord:

rchardriders:

Wow, that sucked. And Peter did kind of have a point. Telling him that Thanos survived when he’d just got back would had screwed him up, and Peter probably didn’t want him to worry about that when he was getting Worldmind back and then when he’d visited his parents and brother.

I — What? He stared at Peter dumbfounded, not really comprehending the words.

Peter was in love with him? Was he really that dense? He was ignorant for years. Pete had been by his side for so long, and probably pined for him for as long… Was he really that dense. How did he feel about Pete? Richard had an undying love and loyalty to Peter but he’d never thought of him that way, hadn’t needed to, he’d been content. Relationships were so messy and his had never worked out. He wasn’t repulsed by the idea, but Richard had just never — it wasn’t something that he thought would ever find himself considering, and yet here he was.

For years. God, he’d been an asshole.

“I didn’t — I’m sorry.” He whispered out. He hated himself right now, hated that he put Peter in such a position. It was hardly fair for either of them. Maybe that was one of the reasons Peter didn’t want to tell him about his father, or for keeping the rest of the other things from him…

Peter. His best friend. In love with him…

Why? He wasn’t anything special. He couldn’t compare to what Pete was, and that he was unworthy of Peter. Not just because his friend was royal, but rather because he had been so mean to Peter, so selfish. Richard really knew nothing about Peter after all. He thought he had, thought that he had Peter all figured out, a saviour and a hero, with a bad past. Thought that he knew Peter as well as himself, knew Peter enough to know when Peter was avoiding a question or topic, when he didn’t want to talk about said topic, when he wasn’t feeling well, and when he was hiding it and trying to press on. When Peter needed him, and when he had to be there for Peter.

Clearly he got that wrong.

 

                    [Richard]

“Not now, Worldmind.” He was still reeling with Peter’s confession, still trying to piece everything together, to find the words to answer his best friend. He hadn’t known, and sorry was all he felt at that moment. Sorry for everything.

                    [Your father —

What? What about his father? Panic rose in his chest. Worldmind wouldn’t contact him if it wasn’t so serious.

                    — has had a heart attack, he’s being transported to a hospital right now]

 

— has had a heart attack

 

— has had a heart attack… The words droned on in his head, drowning everything out. His own heart stuttered painfully in his chest. He hadn’t realised he’d forgotten to breathe until his body made him heave. Richard lost his balance, and staggered backward, and probably would have fallen were it not for Worldmind and his suit.

“I… I have to go… My father needs me, and I need time. To think. About us.” Richard scrubbed his face down. He didn’t want to leave like that but what was he supposed to say to Peter? I don’t feel the same way? Crush Peter’s heart even more than his accusations did? He needed time to ponder over Pete’s feelings for him, time to cool down and rest. But most importantly, time for his father. Would he be okay? Could he do something about it?

_{So far there was no yelling, no shouting in disgust. That seemed good enough to count as some kind of win. Maybe some part of their relationship— friendship could still be salvaged if Richard could still be friends with someone that was completely over the moon for him.}

_{It might work; as long as Rich didn’t ask him to try and stop being in love with him, because he couldn’t do that. He’d tried. Who knows how long he would have sat on this if Richard hadn’t pushed?} 

_{“Don’t apologize, ‘s not your fault,” he said, wishing he had something to do with his hands. Something he could do to get rid of the nervous energy that was rising up in his body. He wasn’t going to run away from this. Running away from his problems had caused this mess to begin with.}

_{Speaking of running. Worldmind. If Worldmind was contacting Richard about something, it had to be important. Finally looking up again, he immediately took a step forward in an aborted attempt to catch Richie when he staggered backwards. Touching Richard at all after all of this felt like too intimate a gesture after what had just happened. Slowly, he let his hand fall without doing anything.}

_{“I understand. You have to go. You can fly there faster than I can drive you,” he said quietly. After Richard left he could crawl into bed and turn the whole ship off and sulk, right now he couldn’t afford to break. He squared his shoulders in an attempt to recover some of his composure and squashed down the feeling that he’s being abandoned. (Not that he hasn’t practiced that to the point where it’s almost second nature.) That’s not what Richard is doing anyway. Richard never ran away.} 

_{He should say something else, tell Richard something. But what else was there left to tell? He didn’t have anymore secrets.}

“I’ll talk to you later.” Richard said as a farewell, before departing Peter’s presence. He didn’t want Peter to think that he was leaving him, or that he was going to avoid Peter from now on. He just felt he needed some time to ponder on their friendship or rather potential relationship, if it came to that. He left his friend alone and let himself out of the airlock.

          “Full speed Worldmind.”

Richard flew back towards Earth and got Worldmind to plot a course to the hospital that his father had been admitted to. During the journey, his mind went back to the conversation that he had with Peter. It had started with a mere question, a question about Peter’s heritage, and it had catapulted to dangerous friendship breaking territories, before finally coming to a halt at Peter’s sudden confession. He loved — loves Peter, but never thought it to be more that platonic, brotherly.

To have his whole perception thrown down by four words…

He shook his head, he couldn’t afford to think about Pete right now. His father’s health was unstable and he wouldn’t have forgiven himself if he wasn’t there to see him get better, or to comfort his family, to be the rock that as the eldest son was demanded of him.

[End]