Wild Hearts || Richard (rchardriders) & Peter (shootingstarlord)

shootingstarlord:

rchardriders:

“Why do you even care? I mean look, one less person you have to keep secrets from.” He gestured vaguely at himself, and probably had a brittle smile plastered on his face, vision blur from half shed tears.

He would have laughed at the nickname if the conversation (if it could be called that) they were having wasn’t so serious, if the tension between them wasn’t palpable. He directed his anger away from Peter to Thanos, glad for the change of target. He was still mad at his friend for keeping this under wraps too, but he was furious at Thanos.

"You mean that everything we sacrificed, the three years, the countless lives was for nothing? If we weren’t having this conversation, you’d think maybe we’d run into that bastard someday and then you can act all shocked that he returned too?” Great, he’s attacking his friend again…

"Like you said once, maybe I shouldn’t trust anything you say.” Wow, that was a low blow. He couldn’t believe he had just said that. Shit — He’d said he was sorry and here he was shouting at Peter again. He wanted to punch himself, and probably leave before he said anything more damaging to their relationship.

‘Anything else you keeping from me?’ He wanted to say, but he just couldn’t, couldn’t bring himself to care, if Peter wanted to keep secrets from him… He could do what he liked, Peter was entitled to keeping secrets, everyone had secrets. Richard shouldn’t have exploded at him…

“You know what your problem is? You don’t let anyone in. You — I love you Pete, you’re like a brother to me, and you know you can tell me anything right? Pete? I mean I get why you didn’t want to, but you can, and it hurts because you don’t feel that that’s true.

_{"Yeah, it was all for nothing. Nihilism isn’t a good look for you Richie, you shouldn’t make it a habit. We obviously did something in the Cancerverse, I’m not sure what it was. There are still a lot of things that don’t add up. I was going to tell you. I just- I didn’t know when it was a good time to bring it up. If you remember I did mention I wasn’t the only one who got out of the Cancerverse when I found you. I wasn’t trying to keep it under wraps I just figured it was a discussion we would have later,” and now it’s later and he’s kicking his own ass for not bringing it up immediately.}

_{I love you, Pete. Those words rang in his ears, he wanted to fix them into his brain forever. It might be only time he ever gets to hear them, he’s damn well going to cherish it.} 

_{His soaring heart reaches the apex of it’s arc it cracks, shattering and falling into a million different pieces at the following words. He should have known better than to get his hopes up, if there was any justice in the world there hadn’t been time for his face to betray his emotions. The black hole trying to form in his chest where his heart had been seconds ago reminds him of Thanos’ promise. That letting him live was more torture than any death he could devise. He was right.}

_{This entire situation made him wish for the thousandth time that the original mission had gone as planned. He would have been content in that death; instead of being caught in the train wreck that his miserable continuing life.}

_{Might as well put the cherry on this ice cream sunday of angst filled miscommunication and wounded hearts.}

_{He takes a moment to steady himself, looking at Richard, really looking at him. Taking a moment to study lines of his face, the set of his jaw, the color of his eyes. Yep, still in love with him.}

_{“You really want to know all my secrets? You want me to let you in? You wanna know why I care so much? If you had once taken a second to pay attention during the course of our friendship it would painfully obvious. I care, Richard Rider, because I’m in love with you, you great big stupid noble perfect ass. I have been for years. Peter Jason Quill; defender of mankind, Prince of Spartax, and Guardian of the Galaxy has been in love with his presumed dead best friend for years and never moved on, never made a move during all those years that they did have together because knew that he ruins absolutely everything good in his life.” His voice cracks on good, but he doesn’t give in to the temptation to collapse and crawl into a hole.}

_{Both his hands are shaking, and his entire body is trembling, tensed to run away. He hadn’t planned on admitting any of that, hell he’d already tried to take that secret to the grave. “It had been enough just to be your friend,” he adds quietly, now staring at the floor. He’s a lot of things, but brave enough to look Richard in the eye after admitting all of that he is not.}

Wow, that sucked. And Peter did kind of have a point. Telling him that Thanos survived when he’d just got back would had screwed him up, and Peter probably didn’t want him to worry about that when he was getting Worldmind back and then when he’d visited his parents and brother.

I — What? He stared at Peter dumbfounded, not really comprehending the words.

Peter was in love with him? Was he really that dense? He was ignorant for years. Pete had been by his side for so long, and probably pined for him for as long… Was he really that dense. How did he feel about Pete? Richard had an undying love and loyalty to Peter but he’d never thought of him that way, hadn’t needed to, he’d been content. Relationships were so messy and his had never worked out. He wasn’t repulsed by the idea, but Richard had just never — it wasn’t something that he thought would ever find himself considering, and yet here he was.

For years. God, he’d been an asshole.

"I didn’t — I’m sorry.” He whispered out. He hated himself right now, hated that he put Peter in such a position. It was hardly fair for either of them. Maybe that was one of the reasons Peter didn’t want to tell him about his father, or for keeping the rest of the other things from him…

Peter. His best friend. In love with him…

Why? He wasn’t anything special. He couldn’t compare to what Pete was, and that he was unworthy of Peter. Not just because his friend was royal, but rather because he had been so mean to Peter, so selfish. Richard really knew nothing about Peter after all. He thought he had, thought that he had Peter all figured out, a saviour and a hero, with a bad past. Thought that he knew Peter as well as himself, knew Peter enough to know when Peter was avoiding a question or topic, when he didn’t want to talk about said topic, when he wasn’t feeling well, and when he was hiding it and trying to press on. When Peter needed him, and when he had to be there for Peter.

Clearly he got that wrong.

                    [Richard]

“Not now, Worldmind.” He was still reeling with Peter’s confession, still trying to piece everything together, to find the words to answer his best friend. He hadn’t known, and sorry was all he felt at that moment. Sorry for everything.

                    [Your father —

What? What about his father? Panic rose in his chest. Worldmind wouldn’t contact him if it wasn’t so serious.

                    — has had a heart attack, he’s being transported to a hospital right now]

— has had a heart attack

— has had a heart attack… The words droned on in his head, drowning everything out. His own heart stuttered painfully in his chest. He hadn’t realised he’d forgotten to breathe until his body made him heave. Richard lost his balance, and staggered backward, and probably would have fallen were it not for Worldmind and his suit.

“I… I have to go… My father needs me, and I need time. To think. About us.” Richard scrubbed his face down. He didn’t want to leave like that but what was he supposed to say to Peter? I don’t feel the same way? Crush Peter’s heart even more than his accusations did? He needed time to ponder over Pete’s feelings for him, time to cool down and rest. But most importantly, time for his father. Would he be okay? Could he do something about it?