Sure, Richard would have probably treated Peter differently in the wars if he’d known, but they needed all the help they could get, and maybe he would have stopped Peter (not that he ever could), or at least tried to protect him more. He’d never have let Peter die, but that was as true as before he’d known that Peter was royal anyway, when Peter was just an ex space con, just a Shi’ar guardian, was just his best friend. Either way, it was immature to be lashing out at his best friend, but he felt hurt by it. But anger was easier than pain and sadness, and he’d latched on to that. “Oh I don’t know, maybe like an hour ago would have been a great time?! ‘Hey Richie, I don’t want to go to Spartax because the King is my father, and I thought perhaps you should know that.’ or maybe like ‘Rich, before we die, I want you to know that I’m a Prince.’ or so many other countless times before? You were never going to tell me were you? Don’t you trust me now? Or was I just someone you could just — “
“You are a stupid Prince. Running around, risking your life like that, playing hero.” Richard regretted his words the moment he said it. It wasn’t fair — He wasn’t being fair to Peter. Peter was a hero, was more than just a hero. Peter wasn’t just some Prince, and Richard should never define him as such. Peter was so much more than that. A tear ran down his cheek, out of anger or sadness he wasn’t sure. “Shit — I didn’t mean — ” But he had, he meant every word. Maybe he could have worded it better… He faltered, suddenly tired. Just days ago, he’d been so happy, overjoyed, even filled with an all encompassing relief and love, and now? He didn’t want to say else he might regret, didn’t want to completely break their friendship. Richard turned his body away from Peter, currently angrier at himself more than the man before him. “You know what? Maybe I should just go, I need time to think.”
Everything seems to just snowball right in front of him and it’s like he can’t speak. He can’t say anything to counter any of this because it’s all true. He just stands there shocked into silence while Richard rants. It’s so much worse than he thought it would be, the accumulation of all the bad things he worried about happening when he finally got up the guts to tell Richard about the whole mess. He trusted Richard more than anyone, but- fuck. Grabbing Richard’s shoulder he forces him to turn around and look him in the face dammit. He deserves that much.
“You know what? Fuck you. You don’t get to come back and say shit like that and then leave! I am a d’ast prince. Happy? I’m prince of one of the bloodiest empires in the whole d’ast galaxy are you fucking happy.” It takes so much more to admit it than he thought it would, saying it out loud to Richard is admitting that it’s something he can’t outrun. That it’s something he can’t change. He doesn’t want this he doesn’t want the kind of responsibility that comes with acknowledging it. “It’s not all I fucking am, it doesn’t define me. Hell, I didn’t even know for most of my life. You wanna talk about what I am? I’m an orphan, a foster kid, a runaway, a homeless teen, a valedictorian, an astronautical engineer, an astronaut, a murderer, a criminal, and yeah, a prince. Do you know that my father arrested me and tried to have Gamora killed? That he’s a d’ast bloodthirsty Empire building, flerken flarking tyrant! Did you ever wonder why I was the Star-Lord? It certainly wasn’t because I deserved it.”
And he’s yelling, and he shouldn’t be yelling at Richard it’s not Richard’s fault that his Dad sucks and that his life is one big fucking mess. Putting space between them he walks a few steps away and bends to drag his hands down his face before standing straight like there’s an iron rod holding him up. “And I’m sorry for not telling you, Richie. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I couldn’t go with you to Spatax because my father, the King, my only d’ast living relative, put a price on the head of my team and tried to drag me home in chains.”
His hair stood at the sudden movement, shoulders tensing at the strong grasp. "Maybe I shouldn’t have come back at all.” Richard was shouting back, brain processing words that only he wanted to hear. “Maybe I should have just stayed dead! What’s the point anyway?”
“You know what? Your father thought we were in a relationship… Good thing we weren’t because you couldn’t even trust me enough with who you really are!” Richard’s laugh was rough, bitter and void of humour. This wasn’t how this conversation was supposed to go, it was supposed to be them joking about the impossibility of the whole thing. This was why Peter should have let him go.
This… This argument had blown up in their faces — his face. He should have talked it out, should have been more understanding. Reckless, Worldmind had called him. “Finally, some honesty.” He should been worried about all that, about what J'son was doing, had done, to the galaxy, to Peter. About how the King he met was so different than what Peter had experienced. But Richard wasn’t thinking rationally, they both weren’t. What was he even saying? Why was he even saying it? It didn’t even make any sense.
“I don’t care. I don’t care about any of that. I don’t care that you’re Prince or a murderer or a thief or anything.” He pointed at Peter’s heart, “I care that you didn’t tell me and I had to find it out for myself, find it out from someone other than you. I just — Fuck.” It sounded so strange coming from his mouth, he’d never, never cursed. Even when he’d died, when he lost the Corps not once, not twice, but three times. Even when he’d lost people. It felt so foreign. But he didn’t care. “Fuck.” He repeated, for the hell of it. “I’m sorry. I just — I just think that maybe… I’m sorry.”
Only now when his anger was, he wouldn’t say subdued, but controlled, that he let the words register. About Gamora, about the King, about chains. Richard bowed his head down, and ran a hand through his hair before it let it fall to the side like it was tied down by weights. He couldn’t help but think back to the time he was this unreasonable, when he thought he was crazy, when he was dying.
ncvaprime reblogged this from shootingstarlord and added:
shootingstarlord reblogged this from ncvaprime and added: